South Africans Abroad
A show for expat South Africans and anyone interested in the experiences of those who have made the move overseas. Each episode, we'll hear from South Africans who have left the country to pursue new opportunities, be with loved ones, or simply follow their dreams. We'll explore the challenges and triumphs of life as an expat, and the unique perspective that comes with being a South African abroad. Whether you're an expat yourself or just curious about the expat experience, join us as we delve into the motivations, struggles, and joys of being a South African living overseas.
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South Africans Abroad
From Pretoria to the Pacific Sam's Story of Change and Service
Moving to a new country is an epic saga of its own, and for Sam, our vibrant guest from South Africa now thriving in California, it was a tale filled with love, and the unexpected call to serve. As she unfolds her story, you'll be transported from the excitement of meeting her US Marine husband in Pretoria to the sobering complexities of immigration, all leading her to don the uniform of the US Navy. Amidst the intricacies of job hunting and proving the legitimacy of her marriage, Sam's resilience shines, offering a raw look into the emotional and financial sacrifices that come with chasing the American dream.
Our conversation with Sam is a masterclass in adaptation and the pursuit of joy amidst change. You'll hear how she's fostering her children's South African heritage, keeping it alive across the seas while they carve out their American lives. With her South African laughter mingling with the California sun, Sam's anecdotes about finding community in unexpected places, from roller derby tracks to motorcycle clubs, will inspire you to seek out your own sense of belonging, no matter where you find yourself. Join us as we celebrate the spirit of this South African expat, whose story of transformation echoes the boundless strength of the human spirit.
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Welcome back to South Africans Abroad, a show for expat South Africans and anyone interested in the experiences of those who have made the move overseas. Each episode we'll hear from South Africans who have left the country to pursue new opportunities, be with loved ones or simply follow their dreams. We'll explore the challenges and triumphs of life as an expat and the unique perspective that comes with being a South African abroad. Triumphs of life as an expat and the unique perspective that comes with being a South African abroad. I'm your host, warren Burley, an expat South African who, like many, followed the dream of working overseas. Whether you're an expat yourself or just curious about the expat experience, join us as we delve into the motivations, struggles and joys of being a South African living overseas. Today we have Sam, who traded the sweeping landscapes of South Africa for the sun-kissed shores of California, where she embarked on a new adventure by joining the esteemed ranks of the United States Navy. Samantha, how are you doing?
Speaker 2:I'm doing great. How are you?
Speaker 1:Good, do you want to just introduce yourself?
Speaker 2:My name is Sam I go by just Sam came to the US around 2007. Been here for about 17 years now, came over, met a Marine in South Africa and we were together for about 11 and a half years and during that time I tried to get a job in the States and it was really tough. Here they do a lot of everybody goes to college here. It's affordable or it's free because of bursaries and grants, but getting a job was just really hard for me. So I started out by putting my resume everywhere monster career builder and all those places and I got picked up for a pretty cool job at a gym. I guess I was too qualified for the position I applied for, so they put me in an operational manager position, which was pretty cool, and then after that we moved around, because military move around. So obviously I came here through the military and around five years in I was like no, I'm done, I need something stable. I had a really stable job in South Africa and I miss it a lot.
Speaker 1:What were you doing back in South Africa?
Speaker 2:My first job out of high school was ABSA. I worked at ABSA's call center, and then my second job was Discovery Health two of the largest beats in Africa and I worked in the customer call center too, for Violet T.
Speaker 1:So what brought on the decision to come over? I know you said you came here for a military guy. Where did you meet him?
Speaker 2:A little place down in Pretoria, a little bar that the military liked to go hang out at and, yeah, I was serving shots. My girlfriend and I decided that after a couple opportunities, I had a full-time job and I was a single mom and after hours at night, after everybody went to bed, we went to clubs and we would serve shots. So I met this military guy there and obviously was infatuated with his accent and you know, I fell head over heels and, um, it was kind of rocky because he, uh, he said, you know, he wanted to stay there with me and I didn't want to be anybody's floozy for a little bit, you know. So, uh, and then his decision changed overnight and he had to go to, which I said okay. But then he came back, uh, after a little while, and said that he wanted to bring me over to America. You know, come check it out. And that was the first time that I ever, I was ever away from my daughter.
Speaker 2:So I came up to America around 2007. And he proposed, during my two week visit he proposed and we got married in a little court in Sevierville, tennessee. And then, you know, I started my process to come over. I went back, I just purchased a house. Uh, it was brand new. So I picked out all the all the furnishings and everything, um, which was kind of traumatizing because, um, I had to turn around and sell it immediately and I didn't make anything. And you know, lucky enough I didn't have to pay anything big decision yeah, so it took me about.
Speaker 2:Around the October of that same year, my daughter and I came over, and she was three years old okay, so let's talk about the visa process.
Speaker 1:There was a I mean it sounds like you got married and they kind of helped that process. Was there any challenges with it?
Speaker 2:oh, absolutely a lot of money, a lot of challenges, a lot of heartache. Um, and the the uscis is not very helpful. When you call them, all they say is wait your time, wait your time. But a website that I found was pretty helpful for me was Visa Journey. So people blog on there all the time about their process, how long things are taking. You know little loopholes and tips and tricks. So that was very helpful for me to you know, just to understand that I wasn't the only one in this process.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I took a lot of money and I was able to do the fiance visa for a little bit, and then we went on to the spouse visa, okay, and then obviously you get all your shots and your chest x rays and all the things nobody talks about, sitting at the consulate for so many hours getting interrogated. And then we came over. I was a permanent resident for my two years because we had been married less than two years. So if you're married less than two years to a citizen and being in the military for him didn't help me at that point, I guess it just looks good on paper at that time he's a outstanding citizen. But, um, because we were married less than two years, I had to undergo a conditional permanent residence. So then we had to lift the conditions after the two years for me to have a permanent resident for 10 years okay yeah, so around the two-year mark we had to go in and get interviewed.
Speaker 2:Make sure that I know what side of the drawer he puts his socks on and which window he opens at night, the stuff everybody prepares you for, and we actually did get asked some crazy whack questions.
Speaker 1:Okay, what was the craziest question you got asked?
Speaker 2:What side of the bed does he sleep on? And then they asked him the same question what side of the bed does she sleep on? Just to make sure that we don't conflict.
Speaker 2:Depends, which conflict yeah depends which side the bed's facing. Yeah, and how did your family react to this whole thing? I have always been a, an independent, um go-getter and, uh, they were pretty shocked at first, but they kind of expected it. Um, it was hard for me to leave everybody. It was hard for me to leave all my tupperware. I love my tupperware yeah.
Speaker 2:I had established my whole house. I had established, you know, life there and, um, you know, for me it was more. Where could I provide the best life for my child? Um, and I'm gonna tear up, um, and so my parents understood. My dad is, my parents have been separated for a very long time, um, and I'm very close to with my mom, so I think it was tough for everybody. But they knew, once my heart set on something, I'm going and I came back married. So you know, just a crazy little wildflower, me and you still see your family a lot I, my mom, actually lives here in hemet.
Speaker 2:Uh, she, she came over um, and my dad, he was born in Kenya and so he never relinquished his British citizenship and so he is now in London and, you know, regained his life over there. He actually just moved over, probably like three years ago, not even. And so my biological siblings, they all got heritage passports and moved over to London. So I have my mom here with me and over the last couple years with covid, I've I've lost a lot of my family yeah, yeah, covered, hit everybody crazy um.
Speaker 1:So you mentioned tennessee. Was that the first place you went?
Speaker 2:uh, I came to the states through norfolk, virginia, that's where he was stationed and then we got on the road and we took a beautiful car drive up up through, um, I think we went through roanoke, uh, I can't remember all the places, but it was just so beautiful, it was just, it was just a very scenic drive and so we visited he's from tennessee, my ex-husband so, um, yeah, we went over there and then I I lived in Tennessee, florida, california, okinawa, japan, wow yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, and that's obviously with the Navy.
Speaker 2:With the military.
Speaker 1:yes, Okay, and how did you end up in California?
Speaker 2:He got orders to get stationed here and so after we did a tour in, we finished out the tour in Virginia and then we went down to Florida. He did recruiting out of there and I had my son there and then we took the drive over here. He got orders.
Speaker 1:so military life you go where they tell you yeah, okay, let's talk about the military life. How the hell did you end up in the Navy?
Speaker 2:So, going back to the part of not being able to get a job here, it was frustrating. I was golly. I came here when I was around 24. And a couple of years I did odd jobs and I did temp work. I went into a temp agency who temps anymore, yeah, you know. And I applied for everything.
Speaker 2:The military actually has a opportunity on base and it's a spouse preference. I tried that too. It didn't work. I tried Macy's, walmart, penny's, I tried everything and I just didn't have a degree because I went straight to school after high school. I mean, I went straight to work after high school, excuse me. And so because I didn't have that piece of paper, I wasn't worth anything.
Speaker 2:And so I remember when my ex-husband was on recruiting duty, they'd always joke around about oh it's, you know, the numbers are down, let's just enlist our wives, and so that. And coming to America was, it was pretty momentous. When I came through the airport and it just looked like the the sea parted, yeah, and these sailors and marines, and you know, they came down with their the big green bags on their their back and everybody was just applauding for them. And I'm getting goosebumps right now and everybody just supported them and I just I looked at them and I was I want to be like that. I just I want to serve, I want to give back, I want to be great, I want to do something awesome yeah and so I told my ex-husband I'm going to join the military.
Speaker 2:Initially it was a challenge because he said you wouldn't make it and I wanted to join the marines to so that I could be stationed with him. But I have a tattoo up past my into my neck so that's not allowed. So I said fine, navy's next best bet yeah, navy loves tattoos they go back and forth depending on who's in charge.
Speaker 2:Um, but yeah, I went into the navy's recruiter, the navy recruiting office, and you know, the first thing they did was where's your accent from? I said south africa, and they're like, hmm, they have quotas to meet and they were like, oh, we can get her in as a african-american okay so that was the joke.
Speaker 2:Um, and yeah, so I I was very persistent. Um, it was kind of tough for me because I had a surgery on my ankle when I was a baby in 84. And I had to get documentation for that and the doctor could swear he was like in his 60s back then. So I had to employ my dad to go and find this doctor and get some type of documentation stating that I fully recovered because it was a clubfoot, the positioning in the womb.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I had to prove that I can do everything everybody else can do. Yeah, so I did. He got a document from me, from the doctor, that I thought was not even on this earth anymore, and, yeah, I had to translate all my transcripts and that was it. That was the start of my career in 2012.
Speaker 1:So what do you do in the navy?
Speaker 2:I am a corpsman. If I have to translate that in layman's terms, I'm a medic. I don't tell a corpsman that they're a medic because we take offense to that. I don't care either way.
Speaker 1:But what's the difference between a corpsman and a medic?
Speaker 2:the word okay um and uh.
Speaker 2:So the reason why I went in to be a corpsman is because they often get stationed with the Marines Marines don't have. They don't have medics, they get seen by Navy. And my kid had hit herself on the foot with a sledgehammer and I was at a block. I didn't know what to do. So that kind of sparked my I want to be able to fix my kid's boo-boos. So I said, let me, let me try for that.
Speaker 2:Um, and the navy is a little different here because they're different to the marine corps and I'm pretty versed in both of them. Uh, where the marine corps, you can walk in and say I want to do this job or they'll. They'll advertise jobs to you and they'll actually let you work towards getting that job and if it's not open or available, they'll work with you and hold you off until that comes available. Navy is different, um, and I could. I could be wrong, somebody else's experience might be different to mine, but I was told if you don't, if you go down, you're going to take a test at the military processing station and whatever you qualify for and we offer to you. If you don't take it, just remember, we reserve the right to invite you back.
Speaker 2:And so I looked at the guy. I was 29 years old. I looked at the guy and I said I'm not a child, I want to come in as a corpsman and if you can't offer that to me, I know where the door is. And so they thought they were doing me a favor. At that time my husband was pretty high ranking and one of the guys over there called me into the office, got my husband on the phone and he he said, hey, you know, just wanted to give you the good news I were offering her a corpsman. And uh, so it was. It worked out, um, and I love what I do. I really do. Uh, it's it's service to the community, service to our service members this question is not really a South African question but do you find difficulties in being a woman in the Navy?
Speaker 2:Me personally, I have not had any issues, but I do know a lot of females that have. Don't get me wrong, the military is awesome and I'm not going to paint any type of you know, positive, negative picture for anybody. I would say do it yourself if you want to experience it. But sometimes when women are victimized in the military and speak up about it, they become a target, regardless of you know, the preachings of you know. Always step up, always say something you know. I do know some females that have definitely been victimized, and there are some of us that have had great careers. I'm a go-getter. I see my target in sight and I get it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it sounds like you like a challenge. Right, I do and I'm persistent. Okay, so let's talk about your kids. How?
Speaker 2:many kids you got. I have two beautiful babies.
Speaker 1:And were they both born in South Africa?
Speaker 2:My daughter was born in South Africa. Her name is Amy and she's 20.
Speaker 1:How old was she when you came over? Three, okay, so she doesn't remember anything there.
Speaker 2:She tries and she wants to know her roots more than anything else in the world and she definitely does research, and her dad is South African and she has a relationship with him, so okay, is he in south africa? Yeah, and my son is 14 and he was obviously born here he was born here, yes, in florida as a south african.
Speaker 1:Have you found any other challenges in in america?
Speaker 2:oh, my gosh. Uh, I was listening to one of your podcasts um a of weeks ago and one of the interviewees mentioned how hard the currency is in the very beginning. I'm not sure why it was so tough, because looking at it now it was silly, but I couldn't determine what was what from what and I would always just hold the coins in my hand and give it to the register and say hey, take what you need. It was hard for me to transfer the currency because I was always converting.
Speaker 2:And I know you should never do that because of the cost of living difference and your earning capabilities here, but that was really really tough for me in the beginning and then just family and home.
Speaker 1:Do you miss a lot about South Africa?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I miss everything I don't miss. I've never lived through. What do you call it? Load sharing? Yeah I've never lived through that so I don't know what that is um, but I do. I miss. I miss the culture, I miss the fact that you could you can crack a joke and not hurt anybody's feelings yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:It seems to be quite the opposite.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and everybody is so up in their feels. Here it's different, you know, and so here I tend to gravitate to South Africans. I'm always looking for another South African, just like how I found you.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I found another family.
Speaker 1:Do you have a lot of South African friends there?
Speaker 2:Not too many but funny. After I got here to California I found a female that was in the 10th grade with me Senate 8, in Pretoria, in Centurion, and she was actually one of my bullies, but we're friends now. And, yeah, she lives in Anaheim or she used to live in Anaheim, but that was so ironic to me. And there's another South African that is in my unit at work and he still retained his thick accent and we're cool. And then another family.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I've gone to a couple of the gatherings here and there and a poiki and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you say you haven't been back. I haven't In 17 years. No I haven't been back. I haven't in 17 years. No, I haven't any, any plans to go back.
Speaker 2:I do. I'd like to go in december okay um, I'm going through a little bit of a rough patch right now, and if this rough patch, you know, comes out with the light at the end of the tunnel, then I'm going to take my daughter back, because my son's father is living in germany right now, um, and so he visits him twice a year and I'd like to do that for my daughter as well.
Speaker 1:Okay, and do you see yourself staying in the States?
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:What do you like most about California?
Speaker 2:The weather is very similar to South Africa, especially where I was. I was born in Durban and I moved to Centurion in Pretoria, so it's very similar Cold days, hot nights. When it's hot in the summer, you stand under a tree and it's tenderly cooler.
Speaker 1:I like california you say that you could move in an instant, though um it would be around every three years.
Speaker 2:I'm up for orders. Uh, actually, in the next month or two, okay, I'm going to be trying to stay around here. My son's entering into high school right during this year when they start up again, and my daughter goes to college here and lives at home and my mom's in Hammett and they're my only support here.
Speaker 1:Reflecting on your time coming over and everything, what advice would you give someone that wants to come over and maybe join the military?
Speaker 2:Embrace life, take every opportunity to explore and take advantage. Um, I definitely believe that I've. I've had a great life since coming over here. Very many experiences in the military, I've traveled, um, it's not hard, it's you, you know, once you get into it, uh, and work all it out, it's. It definitely has benefits in the end, and my children are so well off and so set for life because of what I've been able to give to them, being in the states.
Speaker 2:You know, the common thing in every podcast episode is with people with children is they've done it for their children I'll tell you that I have, like myself being in the military, I've been to countries like Sri Lanka, dubai, bali, thailand, lived in Japan for three and a half years. I've seen I was on a ship for three years going in and out, and just the opportunities, and I only know the military life. I don't know the civilian life and the free and the military get what they consider free, medical.
Speaker 2:So, I've been able to take advantage of all of that. You know and you know living here is what you make of it. It really is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, embrace it right. Looking back, is there anything you would have prepared for differently?
Speaker 2:I don't think you can really prepare. You know Everybody's situation. I mean, you've spoken to so many people here. How many of us have got the same situation or even had the same circumstance? Yeah I don't think you can really prepare um, regardless of how much research you do, it's something's going to hit you from the side, you know, and you got to just figure it out be prepared troubleshoot exactly yeah, um, and just just go with the flow.
Speaker 2:You know the sun's going to shine the next day, hopefully. And just go with the flow, just embrace it okay, that's a nice advice.
Speaker 1:Would you bring anything back from? Oh golly everything, all my friends um, oh golly has it been hard for you to make friends, though?
Speaker 2:no, I have a lot of acquaintances. I'm kind of a loner, I'm not one that tends to gravitate towards trends um, but I've got a lot of different community.
Speaker 1:I am in the roller derby community too and the motorcycle community roller derby just roller derby skating on all four wheels on each foot yeah, and hitting people like roller skates yeah, roller skates, like you've seen the movies. They go around in circles and beat each other if you've watched the movie, whip it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's similar to that. We just don't. We don't injure purposely. Okay, uh, we do injure, though, but not purposely. Yeah, I'm actually going to arizona this weekend to ref. I started reffing. I don't play anymore because I've had three surgeries in the last year. Uh, I would say from no, I.
Speaker 2:I was put through a training, uh in the military, and it was like 80 pounds on my back going up and down hills, and I rolled my ankle coming down that hill and severed my peroneal tendon, and so I've had hip and ankle and wrist surgery in the last year. So I didn't do that. I don't play play anymore. I do one-two one day again. I did have a good run with it, though, but now I coach and I ref. I'm also a certified level one referee for the Women's Flat Track Roller Derby Association, which is an international league.
Speaker 1:And you were talking about volunteering everywhere.
Speaker 2:Yes, Right now I engulf myself into volunteering and giving back. I am part of Veterans of Foreign Wars, which is the VFW. We have a post just down the road here. We serve veterans. We do everything. We help them paint their houses if they need it. They can come to the VFW for resources for absolutely anything, and I'm not a spokesperson for them, so I'm not going to go into details.
Speaker 2:But if anybody is in need of that. We can host events at our post and help out by working in the canteen and I just love listening to the guys' stories and the women's stories and just meeting new people and networking. And then so I do volunteer as a roller derby coach and I coach the fresh feet is what we call our guys is the people that have never put skates on to putting them on for the first time and being a little baby giraffe for a little bit.
Speaker 2:And I love doing it. It's very, very rewarding. And then I just picked up a new volunteer. Actually, I also volunteered another post for the VFW, sometimes on a Sunday, and that one's in Fallbrook and they have a great post there too. And I just picked up a new one. I started volunteering with the Legion, which is the rugby team down here.
Speaker 1:That's a significant coming out.
Speaker 2:I went there to start doing setup and breakdown. Just my daughter and I went down to help them out and ended up on the field as the red hat. This is the person that communicates with production and the referees, pretty much on the field. So I was right in the middle of it and they've asked me to come back for the rest of the season, so I guess I did a good job.
Speaker 1:Was that the accent that got you the job?
Speaker 2:I don't know. I guess I didn't mess it up, put it that way. I didn't mess it up, yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't think any South African can mess up a rugby job. I've got one final question for you. What's up? Is the grass greener on the other side?
Speaker 2:I would say so, yes, yes, will you miss it? Absolutely. But if you have an ounce of willingness to just take the dive, take the dive and reach out to us. There's a lot of us over here that can try and help or give guidance. But yeah, absolutely. I think the grass is greener. The opportunities are great.
Speaker 1:Brilliant. We look forward to hearing your story as you go on.
Speaker 2:Absolutely I'll be back.
Speaker 1:Thanks. If you're eager to explore more stories of South Africans abroad, be sure to hit that subscribe button so you never miss a moment For exclusive updates, discussions and a chance to connect with fellow listeners. Be sure to join our vibrant community on Facebook. Just search for South Africans Abroad Podcast and become part of the conversation there. You'll find additional content, behind the scenes insights and an easy way to access all your favorite episodes. So until next time, check you Tuesday.
